Photo Credit: Tatiana Vdb

Your first child is a huge learning curve. You have to get used to the late nights and early mornings; the dirty nappies and the bodily fluids.

After this experience, your second baby should be a breeze.

You’ve done it all before, right?

Well…yes and no.

There is one factor that you didn’t have to take into account as a first-time parent – a second baby. And this, dear friends, is a serious game-changer.

Below are our tips for handling any curve-ball that parenting a second baby can throw at you.

Prepare your older child for the arrival of a second baby

Start preparing your child for the arrival of their brother or sister early. Involve them in the pregnancy by allowing them to feel your kicking belly, reading books about pregnancy or sharing photos of your ultrasounds. You want to establish a connection as quickly as possible between your children, and make bringing a new baby into the house as exciting an event as possible.

In saying this, be careful not to overstate the positives of having a brother or sister to hang out with too soon, or your eldest may be expecting an immediate playmate once bub two is born! Tell your child honestly that your second baby will cry, whinge and sometimes make smelly deposits in their nappy. This will prepare them for the not-so-glamorous side of what is to come.

Most importantly, assure your child that your love for them will not decrease once your second baby arrives. Above all, kids need to know that they are loved unconditionally.

Don’t try to recreate the experience of caring for your first child

After the birth of your first child you have a lot of alone time with your baby. Your newborn becomes the centre of your universe, and everything revolves around their eating, sleeping, laughing and crying patterns. However, the same cannot be said for your second baby. Your attention is now split between your first child and your newborn, and you will need to adjust your parenting accordingly.

There is no way for you to give both of your kids your full focus 24/7. There will be times when one child’s needs will take priority over another’s. By being strategic you can ensure that your kids receive as much of your time as possible. This can be easily done in the case of your eldest child, who you can involve in nappy changes or bedtimes by asking them to sing a lullaby or hold baby wipes.

Potentially more complicated is the concern that your second baby two isn’t getting the same attention that you gave your first child.

If you ever worry about this reduced attention, just remember that babies don’t actually need all of our care 24/7. They are often quite happy to watch, listen and learn. The benefits of having an older sibling in addition to loving parents far outweighs any concerns about the time you, as an individual, can give your newborn. Although different, the care and love that your second baby gets is no less valuable than that received by your first.

Reconsider what you value as a parent

For any parent, keeping the house tidy and sticking to a schedule is difficult. When a second baby is thrown into the mix, this ideal becomes near impossible. Even jobs like cooking and cleaning will take longer with two children than with one – more kids means more hungry mouths, more mess, and more distractions. To maximise your efficiency, it is a good idea in theory to get as many tasks as possible done while your kids are taking a nap. However, in reality you might struggle to make both of your kids fall asleep at the same time – and when they finally do nap simultaneously you may collapse into a heap right next to them.

Instead, it’s time to reassess how much importance you place on different aspects of your life. This may mean accepting that some days your house won’t be spotless. Sometimes the meals you eat won’t be as balanced as you would have liked. But as long as your are all together, does it really matter?

Acknowledge that your second baby is a different person to your first

As your second baby begins to develop their own personality, you may notice that the old fail-safe tricks you used to parent bub number one do not work. This can pose a big challenge, and may require you to use some creativity to keep both of your kids engaged and happy. Even though your kids are each different people, make sure you don’t create double standards when it comes to rules. Be sure to keep consistent on discipline and don’t give either of your kids special treatment because they are more or less sensitive than the other. Being a good parent means catering to your children’s needs, but it also means setting solid boundaries – and sticking to them.

Cherish alone time with both of your children

With the addition of a second baby, you will find that you rarely get time one-on-one with either of your kids.

As a newborn, your second baby will likely sleep more frequently, creating some great opportunities to squeeze in some quality time with your older child. Another great chance to slot in quality time is just before bed. Reading a book together, having a quick cuddle or syncing your night time routine will build some regular quality time between you and your child for you both to look forward to.

Moments of conflict and confusion are unavoidable when you bring home a second baby. By remaining consistent and giving both of your kids your attention and love, you will eventually make it to the other side.

Then you have puberty and adolescence to look forward to…who said this parenting thing was so great again?

The Clarity Road Team

Looking for more information on parenting after baby number two? Head over to the Raising Child Network or Relationships Australia. Each of these sites are national resources for parents and families.