Help.

We all need it at different stages of our life, from different people, for different things. But this universality doesn’t make asking for help any easier.

We are taught that we need to be independent. Even though we are understanding of those in need, accepting assistance ourselves can feel like a personal failure.

But asking for help is not a sign of weakness – if anything, it demonstrates inner strength and courage to acknowledge that you can’t do it all on your own.

Nonetheless, we all need a bit of a push at times, so below are some tips to make asking for help that bit simpler.

Helping other people feels good

One of the biggest reasons used to rationalise against asking for help is that we don’t want to burden other people with our problems.

Louise has enough going on in her life right now – who am I to add another thing to her list?!

But remember, every relationship is built on a foundation of give and take – we all need assistance from time to time, and we all give assistance in return.

When you are going through a rough patch, your friends and family will inevitably worry about you; will want to give their energy to help out, but may be unsure how.

By asking for help you are not only easing the burden on yourself, but also an emotional burden on others – your loved ones can feel as though they are doing something tangible to support you.

Don’t wait to be prompted

Rather than voicing the need for help, our fear of judgement can lead us to rely on others to read our minds.

She knows me well enough by now, she should see when I’m struggling, right?!

Unfortunately, recognising when somebody is in need of a helping hand isn’t always easy.

You could be plastering on a cheerful face in public, resisting communication or may even be giving the impression that you don’t need any assistance; that you want to deal with things on your own.

The lesson: telepathy doesn’t work. The only way to truly ensure that you receive the help you need is to ask for it.

When asking for help…

Be direct

Sometimes it can feel easier to passively ask for help, rather than to come right out and say it.

Instead of asking directly for assistance with dinner, you may drop hints like “if only I didn’t have to worry about cooking tonight”.

Be careful – this use of passive phrasing may come across as though you are trying to guilt your loved one into helping you, and leave them feeling backed into a corner where they are forced to offer help even if they don’t have the time.

By asking outright, you keep the lines of communication clear, are sure to convey your request and also give your loved one fair opportunity to decline.

Be specific

When asking for help from somebody, be very clear about what you need them to do.

Rather than vaguely requesting help getting the kids from school, asking your friend to handle pick-up every Tuesday and Thursday will set some well-defined boundaries and make the process easier for both of you.

Follow up offers

When we have experienced a life changing event, there are many people who want to pitch in wherever they can.

You will  be told over and over again by loved ones that if there is anything, anything at all that they can do to help, just ask.

Despite this promise of help, you can feel as though you are stranded and alone when the dust settles – all of those offers have remained unfulfilled.

However, remember that just as your pride doesn’t like you asking for help, your loved ones will be hesitant to overstep their mark and appear as though they are intruding on your life.

This doesn’t make the offers of help you received in the past any less sincere – it just means that you may need to be proactive about following them up.

The ball is in your court – if you need help, ask for it.