Every day, most of us tell little white lies.
Pretending that you are stuck in traffic when you haven’t yet left the house.
Assuring your mother in law that hers is the best roast you have ever tasted.
Telling the kids that, no, you didn’t fall asleep during your fifth viewing of Snow White this week – you were just resting your eyelids…
Most of the time, the small untruths that we tell others are harmless. However, it is a different story when it comes to the lies that we feed ourselves. Which lies are we talking about? Those that insist constantly that you aren’t good enough.
How many times have you thought that:
- There is nothing positive about your life.
- You will never be truly happy.
- Your past experiences rule your present.
How many times have you told yourself that:
- You are a failure.
- You can’t do it.
- Nothing will ever get better.
Yep, unlike the little white lies we tell others, the untruths that we tell ourselves aren’t so little – and definitely aren’t harmless.
Instead, they are part of a cycle of negative self-talk that becomes particularly crippling after a life changing event. These lies restrict us from taking control of our future; from bouncing back; from finding true fulfilment in life.
No matter what you have been telling yourself, at the end of the day we all deserve happiness. It is time you thought that way too.
Why have I been telling myself lies?
The constant undermining of our own abilities can stem from a number of sources. We may revert to negativity as the result of a traumatic event in our past, we may doubt ourselves because of the messages that tell us we aren’t pretty or clever enough, or we simply may find it safer to call ourselves a failure than to roll the dice.
After all, a lot of the things that we lie to ourselves about are scary.
Leaving a job that you hate means battling to find a new role. Leaving an unfulfilling marriage takes guts and a lot of explaining. It is easier to tell yourself that you aren’t good enough to find another position; that nobody will want you if you leave your spouse; rather than to go out on a limb and back yourself.
The problem with this self-doubt? It is toxic.
Once you begin to believe that you are a failure at work, you will quickly feel that you are a failure in life. Once you tell yourself that there is nothing good in your life, you will see only the bad.
It is time to cut out the lies and to reclaim agency over your path.
Swapping negative thoughts for positive action
The next time that you catch yourself telling lies about your own abilities, stop putting yourself down and take action.
- Counter every negative thought with a positive affirmation – you are not weak, but strong
- Stop excusing your present because of your past and take ownership
- Stop running from a problem and face up to it
- Turn “I can’t, because…” into “I can, if…”
It is time to embrace your own capabilities, to recognise the world as a realm of infinite possibilities, and your life as whatever you make it. Choose fulfilment over dissatisfaction and take the plunge.
