Photo Credit: D. Sharon Pruitt
There is no getting around it – divorce is tough on every member of the family. When considering divorce, a parent’s first thought always falls to their children.
How will divorce affect my kids? Will they resent me for separating from their other parent? Am I being selfish in breaking apart the family?
With questions like this flying around in their minds, many couples resolve to stay together for the kids. Raising children in an intact home has to be better than living apart, right?
For some, yes. But for others, this is far from the truth. Sometimes, exposing your child to a dysfunctional marriage can be more detrimental in the long run.
We all know that divorce has the potential to negatively affect a child’s well-being. But can divorce be good for children as well?
Here are some ways in which kids may benefit from your separation.
Release from a high pressure environment
Although you may believe that your children are unaffected by your relationships problems, kids are highly perceptive.
If things between you and your partner are tense, your kids can feel like they are constantly treading on eggshells.
If you and your partner vent about each other to your children, they may feel forced to take sides.
If you are part of a high conflict relationship, chances are your kids don’t feel safe in their own home.
Each of these situations puts pressure on children, and can ultimately cause them to suffer as a result. They may become withdrawn, anti-social or lose interest in school work and their hobbies. They may grow frustrated by family and resentful toward their situation.
By getting out of a toxic relationship, you also remove the tension from your household. You will feel happier and safer – and your kids will as well.
Positive role model
Before athletes or pop stars, a child’s parents are their number one role models. Every action you take and every choice you make sets an example for your child.
Staying in an unfulfilling and perhaps unsafe relationship for the sake of your kids can potentially model negative relationship patterns. When your children grow up, they may come to think of constant tension, conflict or disconnection as a regular part of marriage.
By ending an dysfunctional or dangerous marriage, you demonstrate that your relationship wasn’t okay. You show them that there is more to love than constant conflict. You give them a healthy perception of what a relationship should be.
Parenting one-on-one
When together, parents usually assume different roles for the kids – kind of like the ol’ good cop/bad cop routine.
You may have been the nurturer and your partner the enforcer. You may have been the organiser and your partner the play-time master.
Parenting solo can prove a challenge, in that it means you have to take on roles that you haven’t assumed before. But it also gives you the opportunity to step outside of these roles and connect with your child individually. This opportunity for one-on-one quality time can help you and your kids to create a more open relationship and become closer in the long run.
Keep in mind…
Although divorce can potentially benefit your children, it will inevitably come with many emotional hurdles as well. Every situation is different, as is every child. Before making any decisions about your future, consider your options and seek advice from a trusted loved one or counsellor.
Need more information?
Relationships Australia offers online information as well as in-person counselling support services for couples and families affected by relationship breakdown.
Better Health Channel also has a range of articles and resources devoted to divorce, separation and kids.
