Being in love is a beautiful life changing event when that love is reciprocated, but an earth-shattering event if that love is not returned.
Keeping it together when you have unrequited love can be difficult. The emotional pain you feel can quickly seep into other aspects of your life and impair your functioning in the everyday world.
You can’t control how you feel about somebody.
But you can control the way you cope with unrequited love.
Accept their feelings
If someone you love does not love you in return, it is important to accept and respect their feelings.
Don’t interpret denial as part of a game of hard to get, and don’t shower them with attention or gifts in the hope of winning them over.
If somebody says no, they usually mean no. By pushing the issue further you will only push them away.
Remember that who you love isn’t a choice
It’s cliché but true – the heart wants what the heart wants. In the case of unrequited love, this truth doesn’t work in your favour.
Somebody may like you. They may want to be in love with you. But ultimately this isn’t enough.
The other person is just as powerless to change their feelings toward you as you are able to change your feelings for them.
Don’t spend time worrying about what’s wrong with you
Although it’s difficult, try not to take unrequited love personally.
Yes, it is easy to get into a rut wondering what is “wrong” with you, or what is “right” about another person. Yes, it is tempting to change yourself in an attempt to become more desirable.
But at the end of the day, this type of questioning or change can only end badly.
Everybody has different circumstances which leave them more or less open to love, and everyone is looking for different things in a relationship.
Accept that, and always remember your value as an individual.
Separate love from need
Acknowledge that you love somebody, but don’t confuse these feelings with the belief that you need that person above anybody else; that they are essential for your survival.
This line of thought can lead you to easily withdraw from the world. You may distance yourself from your friends or totally avoid human contact altogether – nobody can compare to that person, right?
Maybe not at present. But in time, you will find the saying that there are plenty more fish in the sea all too true.
You will engage in fulfilling relationships again – on both a platonic and a romantic level. You aren’t impaired for life. You can still laugh; you can still have fun.
Don’t let unrequited love break you.
Find some space
As hard as it is to separate from a person you love, being in their presence all the time is often unhealthy.
In order to deal with your emotions and take the first steps toward moving on, you will need to find some space.
Block their status updates on your Facebook, avoid restaurants or other venues that you know they frequent and go into self-preservation mode for a while.
As much as this lack of contact may hurt originally (especially if you were used to speaking to this person daily), in time the separation will become easier and you will find yourself thinking of them less and less.
Get back out there
Recovering from unrequited love ultimately requires you to pull up your socks, keep that chin held high and to dive into life head-first again.
Enjoy the sunshine, go out dancing, eat cupcakes, do the things that you love and surround yourself with the people you hold dear.
