In theory, many parents look forward to having an empty nest.
We tease our children with assessments of their bedroom’s pool-room potential and openly long for the prospect of one less mouth to feed.
Despite this brave face, in reality most parents struggle to say goodbye once the time comes to pack the boxes and load the boot. Our instincts tell us not to let them move out. The world is too big and scary for them to face without our protection! Many of us are guilty of experiencing a bout of empty nest blues once we wave our kids goodbye in a serious Julie Rafter moment.
So, how can you deal with the emotions of setting your children free when they move out? We’ve done our best to spell it out!
Empty nest syndrome
Feeling unhappy or shedding a few tears when your child leaves home is natural. After dedicating so much of your life to ensuring their safety, you will undoubtedly feel like a little part of you is missing with an empty nest. That said, if you are unable to shake the bout of melancholy your are experiencing and find yourself feeling increasingly worthless, you may be suffering from empty nest syndrome.
Empty nest syndrome describes the grief and depression that a parent can experience once their children move out. While empty nest syndrome usually affects mothers, fathers are not immune. When you have assumed the role of carer for your children for so long, and perhaps sacrificed your career and social position to raise your kids, their absence may cause you to suddenly feel useless, redundant, confused or unstable.
If these symptoms sound familiar, speak to a trusted family member, friend or counsellor about your circumstances – airing your feelings is the first step toward addressing grief and eventually overcoming it.
Stay in touch after they move out
When you are accustomed to seeing your child on a daily basis, you may find it difficult to adjust to their absence. As such, it is a good idea to work out a means of communication before your child moves out. If your child is moving somewhere locally, you may be able to schedule a regular dinner date or phone call. But if your child is moving interstate or internationally, it can become harder to keep the lines of communication open.
To get around this difficulty, you may want to set up a Skype account or become friends with your child on Facebook. By connecting on social media, you will be able to keep in touch with the day-to-day events in your child’s life, even if the information doesn’t come directly from the horse’s mouth!
Start taking care of yourself
When raising a child, you are constantly required to put their needs and desires ahead of your own. As a result, you may have cut out certain hobbies or delayed that big trip overseas for the sake of the kids. Now that you have an empty nest, there is no excuse to put these things off any longer! Revive an old friendship, or make a new one. Spend more quality time with your spouse. Go and try that cooking class you have been meaning to get to, or even volunteer at the local Meals on Wheels to give an outlet to your generous spirit. Rather than a loss, view your child’s relocation as an opportunity for you to regain your sense of self and give time what you love.
Don’t renovate that bedroom just yet…
Even though your child is about to move out, it may not be forever – not yet, at least. Statistics show that around a third of young people in Australia move back into their family home after leaving the nest for the first time. Financial burdens or relationship breakdowns have greater consequences on young people’s ability to afford to live away from home, or their ability to get ahead fiscally while paying rent.
And aside from these practical issues, some young people just like the comfort of knowing that there is always a bed for them at home.
Can you blame them? Your hugs are just too good!
The Clarity Road Team
