The ideal of the modern superwoman has established an expectation that women should “do it all”.
This superwoman image is hard enough to live up to at the best of times, but can be utterly impossible when experiencing a life changing event.
We think it is time to let go of the superwoman standard and focus on the experiences of real women.
Supermum
We all know this superwoman in theory. She cooks, she cleans, she washes, and goes to every P&C meeting – all with a smile on her dial and not a hair out of place. We try to become her in practise, but inevitably find that life gets in the way.
There will be days when you plonk the kids in front of a movie to keep them busy.
There will be nights when you give the kids cereal for dinner.
There will be weeks that you love being a mum.
There will be moments when you hate it.
This is all natural. It is part of the rollercoaster ride that being a parent is. The problem is that the myth of the super mum makes women feel guilty for riding it out – for being anything other than the flawless domestic goddess.
While you will always strive to be the best mother you can be, let go of the super mum standard. Relinquishing worries about what you aren’t doing “right” will allow you to enjoy the mothering ride.
Superemployee
We all want to do well at work. Work is important for your sense of self, and it is healthy to have your own goals and pursuits outside of the family. However, trying to be the super employee can become hazardous if you begin to spread yourself too thinly.
While you may want to help out in any way that you can, don’t feel obliged to volunteer for every task that pops up at work. It may not seem like much at the time, but that extra report or article may be the difference between spending time with your kids after dinner and isolating yourself in the study. Complete an additional task every now and then, but don’t let work overtake other aspects of your life.
Being a super-employee doesn’t mean that you have to take on every duty. It means doing what you can, and doing it well.
Supersocialite
Between work and kids, it is tricky to factor in a social life as well. We all want to be the super-socialite – to have our friends over and to maintain the contacts and hobbies that we had before children. But sometimes it’s just not viable to throw that dinner party or to attend that birthday bash. Sometimes you won’t want to hire a babysitter. Sometimes you will just want to sit on the couch in your PJ’s.
Instead of trying to get to every social occasion, get to the ones that are important to you. Giving something a miss is nothing to feel guilty about – as much as we need social time, we need down time as well. And who isn’t guilty of skipping out on an event every once in a while?
If you are finding it difficult to squeeze in any social life at all, try to keep it simple. Instead of throwing a lavish lunch, meet a friend for coffee while your child is at sports practise.
Having a healthy social life doesn’t mean being everywhere all the time. It means spending quality time with the people who are important to you.
