Photo Credit: Rory MacLeod
As kids, making friends is easy. You are around hundreds of peers daily and are practically forced into socialising at sporting and musical activities. Many of us take this ease of socialisation as a young person for granted, and assume that those ties will always exist. However, as we get older, it becomes harder to maintain those connections, and more difficult to create new ones. Eventually, many of us find ourselves envious of our children’s social circles – miss popular has more people coming to her birthday party than contacts we have in our phone!
Making friends as an adult is something that many people struggle with, so today we have decided to break it down.
How do we lose friends as adults?
Less time
As sincerely as your promised to be friends forever with your high school besties, adulthood means greater responsibility, and greater responsibility means less free time. All of a sudden we don’t have time to squeeze in that regular phone call with a good friend, or spontaneously go to a late night movie on a Tuesday. Schedules clash, surprises arise – in short, life gets in the way, and before you know it you haven’t spoken to an old friend for 12 months.
Coupledom
Being in a relationship has the potential to double your social circle – your partner’s friends will become your friends and everyone will be one big happy family! While this combination of friends group is exciting, it may also lead you to feel like you have lost something in the long run when your friends become friends of you both. You may feel as though you no longer get the opportunity to socialise as an individual – time that everybody needs to ensure their sense of self. And let’s face it: sometimes you need a moment to vent about your spouse’s thoughtful but annoying habit of folding your work shirts the wrong way!
Greater distance
As we get older, many of us experience a physical dislocation from our friends. Jobs, families and adventure mean that you could be living on the opposite side of the world from a loved one. Although you may initially mean to keep in contact with those who live away from you, this can be easier said than done when you are accustomed to seeing each other effortlessly every day. Even if you have a friend in the workplace or at school who you socialise with regularly, proximity can still be a problem. Your work departments may change or your children may be placed in different classes, and pretty soon your friendship can fade away. The lack of routine contact makes keeping a friendship steady a constant effort – an extra task that many people can’t find the time for.
Making friends as an adult
Even if you have recognised the need for a new friend in your life, making friends as an adult is difficult. How can you fight off this difficulty?
Get out there
An easy way to make new friends as an adult is to join a club, organisation, or to attend a public event. Yes, we know that this advice seems cliché, but it is common for a reason – it works! Going to a concert, joining a craft group or signing up for a sports team will allow you to meet many likeminded people and give you an immediate conversation starter. And even if you don’t wind up forging a new friendship immediately, you will at least gain some new skills and have a rockin’ good time!
Think outside the box
As we get older, our adventurous spirit can dwindle. Whereas once we would be happy to roll the dice with a new acquaintance even though they seem a little egotistical, our maturity means that we become fussier when it comes to new connections. Put simply, we know what we want in a friend and won’t waste our time searching somewhere we don’t think we will find it. Although this seems logical in theory, you could be cutting off a potentially rewarding friendship through living by this attitude. Your 68 year old neighbour may have some fascinating stories to tell and a wicked sense of humour, while your younger co-worker may help you let your hair down once in a while. So while trying to make friends, keep an open mind!
Be yourself
This may seem like a bit of redundant advice that you give your teenager, but newsflash: peer pressure doesn’t vanish when you reach adulthood. Even if you have established an identity and aren’t worried by what Joe Bloggs down the road thinks of you, everyone still wants to fit in somewhere. Just like teenagers, this can lead adults to pretend that we are someone we are not when trying to make new friends. It could be something as simple as agreeing that, yes, John Farnham is the greatest Aussie singer of all time, when “You’re the Voice” actually makes you want to pull your hair out. Even the smallest deviance from your own opinions can leave you kicking yourself later, and asking, “Why on earth did I say that?!”. More importantly, other people are naturally attracted to honest personalities. If you put out a genuine persona, you will make it impossible for people not to befriend you – making friends as an adult will soon be a piece of cake.
The Clarity Road Team
