There are certain people in life who we just click with. They seem to know us inside out. They make everything simpler. When we are with that person, nothing can go wrong.
Unfortunately, the people we love are also the ones who can hurt us the most. And sometimes, there is nothing that can be done to repair that broken relationship.
Whether you are blameless or fully responsible for a fall out with a loved one, moving on from that person can feel impossible.
What partner could ever understand you the way they did? Who could ever take the place of your best friend?
While we can’t answer those questions, we can give you some tips for moving on from an important relationship.
Don’t dwell on betrayal – deal with it.
Betrayal hurts – especially when it comes at the hands of a loved one. It is usually accompanied by bitterness, disappointment and shame, and can lead to a reluctance to trust again. This makes betrayal a dangerous emotion to get bogged down in.
Your partner may have had an affair. Your best friend may have divulged something you wanted kept private. And all you can think about is their decision.
While grieving the loss of a relationship is a necessary part of moving on, dwelling on betrayal is unhealthy.
Stop running past events through your mind. Stop trying to imagine a way that things could have gone differently. As hard as reality can be to face, it is important that you ultimately accept the truth of your loved one’s betrayal, and choose to keep living in spite of it.
Take responsibility
Sometimes we aren’t blameless in a falling out with a loved one. Sometimes full responsibility rests on our shoulders.
Consider your own role in what took place and accept your mistakes. Acknowledge your actions to those they affected, and apologise.
This apology won’t necessarily lead to forgiveness: some damage is irreparable. But by taking responsibility for your actions, you will be able to address your own faults and come to terms with the part you played. It will give you closure to know that you have done all you can to make the situation right.
Engage with life
An important person in your life is now out of the picture – but this doesn’t mean you can’t be happy again. To truly move on from betrayal, you need to put yourself out there and engage in every day life.
Initially, this step can be difficult. Socialising without your best friend will be strange. Seeing a movie without your partner can feel empty. Others may bombard you with questions about your falling out. You may feel frustrated that no one has mentioned it at all.
As time goes on, regular social interactions will become easier. Thoughts of that person will slowly drift from your mind, and you will meet new people who will light up your life in different ways.
Find a resolution
Weeks, months or years could pass with no contact between you and the loved one you lost. And yet, you may catch yourself thinking of them every other day. Rather than suppressing these thoughts, acknowledge them, and dig deeper.
Are there some burning questions that you need answered? Is there something that you need to say? What is preventing you from moving on?
Once you understand why you feel stuck, do whatever it takes to find a resolution. You may need to have a tough conversation with the person in question about how they affected you. You may feel the need to explain why you did what you did. You may simply need to say a proper goodbye.
