After a life changing event, it can be difficult not to feel jealous of others – your friends, your family, the stranger on the street who just seemed so damn happy.
While everyone experiences jealousy in a harmless sense, it is a dangerous emotion when it becomes toxic.
When we are jealous, we can tune out other functions, like logic or empathy. We can misconstrue certain situations. We can become doubtful and insecure. We can harshly criticise ourselves.
If jealousy is affecting your relationships or your self-image, it is time to take control. Below are our tips for controlling jealousy.
Where does jealousy come from?
Jealousy begins when we make comparisons between ourselves and others. We might see something about their life, their luck or their possessions that we desperately want, but at have no idea how to achieve.
When we recognise that there will always be someone out there with a bigger smile, a better car, an easier job or a more exciting life than us, this jealousy doesn’t do much damage. It is when we begin to pick ourselves apart and place blame for any perceived inadequacies that problems occur.
- You might be jealous of your sister’s wealth, and scoff every time she tries to talk about her problems with you as a result.
- You may be jealous of the rate at which your friend lost her baby weight, and resort to dangerous eating and exercise habits to try to match her.
In these instances, jealousy acts as a negative force, driving you to push others away or to compromise your own well-being. Instead, start controlling jealousy by turning a negative emotion into positive action.
Understanding and controlling jealousy
Rather than a purely toxic emotion, it is useful to understand jealousy as a blessing in disguise: an opportunity to learn more about yourself.
When you feel jealous of someone, think about why. These pet peeves may actually direct you toward something that your heart has been telling you for a while, but your mind has been refusing to hear.
- If you are a stay at home mum and become envious of your friends whenever they bring up their jobs, your heart might be telling you that it’s time to re-enter the workforce.
- If you are jealous of anyone who can play an instrument, maybe it’s time to learn.
Finding meaning out of envy can be difficult, but worth it – you may just unlock the key to controlling jealousy and feeling good about yourself again.
Boosting your self-esteem
Of course, not all jealousy is traceable to a specific desire that we have been ignoring. Sometimes we just can’t help but feel envious.
As women, we are given impossible standards of beauty, motherhood and womanhood to live up to. By these benchmarks, we are all told that we aren’t good enough. Too easily, we become attuned to the imperfections in ourselves and the perfections in others.
What’s the best way to control jealousy when you are constantly comparing yourself to others?
Take time to do the things you love, have fun, acknowledge all of your good qualities and reconnect with what makes you feel content. Soon you will be able to put your comparisons in perspective and begin controlling jealousy again.
Sure, I wish I was paid more at my job, but I have a lot of love in my life, and that’s all I really need.
Moving on
At the end of the day, there is no way to control which cards we are dealt in life. It is important to acknowledge that someone else’s talents or good fortune have nothing to do with your own. Rather than obsessing over your envy or taking your jealousy out on others, accept that there are always people better off than you, and recognise that there are always people worse off as well.
For everyone you are jealous of in life, there is another person jealous of you. Controlling jealousy is sometimes as simple as remembering the things you have to be thankful for.
